Single minded obedience... That's what is needed in following the Savior. He calls and we should answer with an obedience that is unshaken and never failing. This is what He deserves. What do I offer though in my seemingly half-hearted response? I offer a divided mind and body! I offer hands that compete for control. I offer feet that either stand still or walk in circles. You gave all for me yet I offer only part. Why do I not give in and give up? Why do I fight you and your will? I feel the author's pain in writing that I do what I do not want and do not do what I want. I want to follow faithfully. I want to obey... or do I? As Bonhoeffer said, "those who obey believe and those who believe obey." Since I struggle do I not believe since I do not obey? I see your words in front of me. I read them. I pray them. Do I really believe them? "Yes!" I tell myself. Where is my problem then? What's the source of my struggles? Why can I not be single minded in obedience to you? I want to be single minded... on Jesus.

My life is out of season. I am never in fashion and do not speak the "in" language (even though I try). As the anthem of my life goes, "I'm not cool but that's OK, my God loves me anyway." I know where I stand in this world as far as society grades people. I am a lower class, blue collar man who lives paycheck to paycheck. You know what though, even though I may not live in a fancy house or drive a fancy car I have learned to be content in all situations because God has carried me through thus far. His word is true in my life and I see that Truth in others I encounter. He is faithful and just in His dealings with me. My failures are mine and no one Else's but God sees past that to bring me through, guiding me to grow beyond them and become the man He has called me to be.

Even though I am having some struggles of my own right now I know that God is with me. His calling on my life has never ceased even in times when I have ceased to listen. My own stubbornness and immaturity has hindered me from serving God but God has never stopped calling. I can admit that maybe my own problems with denominations right now are a stumbling block of my own making. Although I can not help but have convictions of the state of the church. I want the service and worship of the Lord to be pure and holy. I do not fit denominational standards and doctrines. I am not a heretic nor a cultist. I just want to preach the Gospel of Jesus in a manner that brings glory to Him. I am not out to make money at this nor seeking fame and notoriety. People need Jesus and I feel called to point them in that direction. As much as my life is off center and I may be eating out of the bottom of the barrel, God has brought me here.

I don't fit in but don't count me out. I just simply have "A Life Out of Season."